I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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