I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
