What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
