My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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