I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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