My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
