either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
