your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
