Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
