From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
