he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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