he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
