Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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