its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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