he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
