You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
