Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
