I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
