SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
