Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
