Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dignity is for republicans.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
