from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
