the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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