Quick, to the slutcave!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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