once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
