i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
