You really coming over, don't trick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
