i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
