Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
