i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
