I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
