where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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