I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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