You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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