It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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