Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
