if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
