Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
