the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
