Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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