I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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