Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
