the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
