she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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