first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
