I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
