paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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