Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
These tits shall not be calmed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
