Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
