His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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