omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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