I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
