I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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