God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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