i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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