i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize