I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
