You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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