I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He uses pillows to masturbate.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
