In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
