The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
