I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
