So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you never un-have a 4some
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
