There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
