and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
