I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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