i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
