Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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