dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize