Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
