You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
