Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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