He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this just has baby written all over it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
