You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
