So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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