Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was CRYING into my vagina
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
