Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
