and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
