Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
