I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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